I was informed a week or so ago that my blog was being posted all over forums, printed & distributed, and causing issues. It's funny how that happens. Once a thought is out there, whether written or spoken, it's out there for good. No chance of recall. We choose to stand behind our words or crumble under the weight of them. I'm too much of an idealist to crumble.
I went to the forums & read what was said. For some I was a crusader for their cause. I was a name they could drop to further their agenda. I could see where it was going already: They would ride the wave of my words until it no longer gave them a thrill, then they would move on to the next wave and leave me washed up on the shore. For others on the forums I was, at the very least, a wayward warrior leading soldiers far from the cross, and at the most the very personification of evil.
It's a strange feeling being both destroyed & glorified at the same time. Just strange.
My words were causing some joy & others pain. They were helping some & hurting others. Blessing & Cursing. Things I assumed were private (and intended to be kept private), as a form of semi-private diary between friends & preachers, had now entered the public arena. And the public can be harsh. They can be harsh for 2 main reasons: Misinterpretation & Frenzy.
Words are spoken in contexts. They are carefully framed with purpose & certain hearers in mind. When words are read outside of those contexts or by other hearers many things can go awry. Motives are assumed. Tone is read into. Other things including the personality of the writer, the purpose of the writing...etc, are either misconstrued or not even considered. Misunderstanding language is the reason the Catholic church kept the Bible from translation into common language for so long - if people, who were unfamiliar with solid hermeneutical principles, translated it, they could easily misinterpret its original meaning, misapply it into their lives, and mislead others into heresy.
Simply put, when I write blogs, I'm sometimes writing things from a 'devil's advocate' perspective (I may not even agree with the thoughts myself) - stirring up thought to catch reactions and make people think outside the box (ie: my blog on 'Cursing'). Sometimes I'm opening my heart & soul & bearing my fears, frustrations, and joys (ie: my blog on 'Holy Hair' & 'The Parade'). And sometimes I'm just having fun! This is why the blog was meant to be private - for people who know me & understand my personality & can identify with my struggles while offering an outsider's perspective and bringing balance to my sometimes outlandish ideas.
But when these kind of words are carried from their safe place of rest and marched into the town square for a public hearing, it's no wonder why they can cause drama, riot & frenzy. "The person is rational, people are not." The mob can create an energy that builds a tower or destroys a city. The mob tears and pulls and yells 'crucify him!' The mob can be very destructive.
Just as my words on issues were a blessing to some & a cursing to others, so I have now been blessed & cursed. But my words were spoken towards issues (I never mentioned names in my writings of frustration - it is not in me to defame people or destroy ministries, whether or not I agree with them). My goal was debating topics, approaches to scripture, and getting feedback.
I got plenty of feedback.
What is sad to me is the fact that people can say all manner of things against others, without addressing their words or even responding directly to their blogs. They can sneak in through the window & kidnap your words out of their bed. They can attack others in their gardens of solitude and march them into the court for an illegal trial at night. The nature of the Pharisee has not changed much, just the masks they wear. They can be ruthless, tactless, and gutless as ever. They will never learn - it's in their nature.
What is even more heart-wrenching is the annihilation the mob leaves in their wake. Ministries, relationships, and confidences may be completely destroyed. They don't care. They have had their fill, and their cannibalistic appetites are only temporarily satisfied. The gossip-mongers live the high-life of clandestine meetings and pseudonyms...
...Pseudonyms! Why didn't I think of that! Instead of posting my picture & name all over the place, I could have just thrown out thoughts under a name like... uh... JL Vicente or Theophilus.
Now I am left with more rebuilding to do than my hands can perform. The tornado came through my town & now I'm sitting on my knees in an open field, amidst the ripped apart buildings and felled trees & roadsigns. The clarity of the moment is poignant. I see things for what they are without all the facades. My eyes are open as I sit here in the path of this tornado, looking at the damage surrounding me. The powerful truth of the moment is so painful. But I can't sit here forever...I have to rebuild this town, heal the wounded, love the enemy & minister by living this gospel. It's time to forgive those who don't know what they do. It's time to bless those who curse. It's time to ask for mercy from those who I've injured (though that was never my intention). It's time to bring a clarion voice to the confused & disturbed.
So to everyone who sought to bring me glory or shame, I love, forgive, and bless you.
I'm sorry to all my friends & family who my words have injured. My father & mother, whom I respect & love dearly. My uncle & General Superintendent who is a true Christian and and incredible leader. To ministers that have shaped my life like Tim Wachtstetter, Jeff Garner, Sam Moelenpah, Lee Stoneking. For those of you who have loved me & believed in my ministry, I'm more thankful than you may know. I love you all & I'm sorry for any pain I've caused.
It was never my intention to bring confusion into any flock or to cause a schism in the body. I love the Bride of Christ with all my heart. If you love Him, you will love His church...you will honor & defend her, protect her and bless her. Tearing down people & ministries does not accomplish this goal - that's a far cry from defending truth and fighting for ideals. I'm truly sorry if my words or actions have ever failed in that attempt.
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