Rest: This is not a Pity Party...

Last week I walked into my boss’s office and was told I was working too much. They could not afford to pay me overtime, yet they could not afford to have me work less.

Ninety-six hours is what I worked for them in the last two weeks.

That’s one job.

The second is my dream. A company I started with a vision for changing the way the world does charity. It’s very involved grueling work. A lot of amazing people have jumped on board to help make this dream a reality.

I work a minimum of ten additional hours a week at this job.

Sometimes many more…

I’m also a pastor. This is my calling and my passion. Helping people. Speaking into their lives. Teaching and modeling the gospel. Preparation time alone takes several hours per week, not to mention prayer, counseling, and just living life with the community you’re called to. It is perhaps the most involved, yet rewarding part of my life. If everything else I’ve mentioned got in the way, and something had to give, I would still be pastoring. It is part of my identity.

The demands of pastoring take a lot of time and energy.

Still there is more....

I’m a husband and a father. I’ve been married almost eight years now to a wonderful woman. She’s given me two awe-inspiring children. I’m quite possibly the luckiest man alive. This family God has blessed me with is my number one priority in life. Every ounce of everyday is lived with them in mind and heart. Every extra second I have is devoted to them. When other things get in the way, they don’t stay there for long, because my family comes first. Yet, I do not spend enough time with them. I sometimes feel neglectful. I sometimes feel like a failure. But I digress…

I say all that to say this.

I am one of the busiest people I know.

I don’t say this to brag or to get some kind of pity party. It’s just a simple fact. Yet in this time of demanding, exhausting work, and times of not knowing where one day ends and another begins, God is teaching me something.

This is what I wanted to share.

God is teaching me to find rest in Him. I’m learning what it looks like to rest in the middle of overwhelming work and busyness. Christ is opening my eyes to what it means to work in grace.

Rest is a heart issue.

The body can put up with more exhaustion than we realize if our hearts are in the right spot. Let me explain...

I realized a few years ago that a lot of my hustling and bustling was tied into my identity. I was working overtime at my job trying to prove to people in my life that I was not lazy and that I could provide for my family. I was working jobs with little to no pay, trying to prove to myself that I was a good person and that I was worthy of self-respect. I was serving people, while leaving little to no time for my family or myself, trying to prove to God that I was worthy of His grace.

I was working to earn something, instead of working because I had already earned something. I was working to gain an identity instead of working out of an identity already gained for me.

I was doing the right things with the wrong motives.

That is exhausting.

Now, I’m learning to believe I am the man God says I am. I’m learning that my identity is in Christ, not in the eyes of man…or even how I see myself at times. My identity is firmly rooted in His sacrifice, freely given for me. I can’t earn it, no matter how hard I labor. The best I can do is dirty rags. Still, God sees me through the cross as His child. He loves me and rejoices over my life. He is my Abba and I am His child. This alone defines me.

Because of this I serve like a free man. I work like someone who, through grace, is called worthy despite how others see me. I work as unto the Lord, and I rest in His finished work on the cross. I can take a Sabbath without feeling guilty. I can rest even in the middle of busyness.

Let’s bring this a bit more from the abstract to where we are living.

Here’s another scenario.

Imagine if my boss was the demanding or angry type, and I was working out of fear of ridicule (or even that I was going to lose my job if I did something wrong). Think of the mental strain I’d be putting on myself. Menial tasks would become giant issues. I would work on edge, trying to prove myself and my work…trying to measure up. Anxiety would reign in my heart. I would get no joy from my work this way. I would exhaust myself.

Now imagine that same scenario through the lens of grace.

My boss is demanding and angry. Still, I work out of confidence that I am doing my best and that my identity is in no way tied to my performance. My identity is rooted securely in Christ and saturated in grace… a grace that’s says I’m not worthy based on anything I do, but I’m seen as worthy through the cross. As Louie Giglio says, “I am not but I know I am.” Since I am not affected by someone’s scorn, I feel no need to defend my pride when I am attacked. I feel peace in the middle of ridicule. If I’m being attacked justly I simply correct the behavior accordingly and continue working to the best of my ability, as unto the Lord. (Besides, if I lose my Job for some reason, grace allows me to understand God’s sovereignty and to trust that He will provide… there’s no need for fear)

Through grace I’m free from trying to measure up to someone’s expectations, whether they be voices at my job, or the ones in my head telling me I’m not the best looking, most intelligent, MVP in the workplace.

Through grace, all this exhausting mental struggle gives way to peace and joy.

I can rest.

This is not a pity party… this is a report of the joy that comes through beginning to understand grace and applying it to life.

I realize this understanding of grace is still far from complete. I know there is so much more to learn and apply. I still need to take a Sabbath and actually apply more of this truth to my life. Thanks for taking time to read the journey God has me on. I hope it gives you some strength for your own. I hope you walk in the grace and peace that is yours in Christ.